They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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