bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
