He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
