My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
why is half of my head shaved?
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