Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
