i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
