There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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