if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
