so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
