The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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