Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
