I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
