whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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