i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
