I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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