Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
