it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
