what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
