Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
