highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
