Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
