i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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