he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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