Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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