One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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