brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
