I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
