i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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