I accidentally burped into my bong.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
