wanna go halves on a baby?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
two words...techno handjob
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
