i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
