why didn't you poke me back
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
