Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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