I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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