I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
