remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
