You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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