textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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