I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
