I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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