somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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