when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
