i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
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