Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
