Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
