we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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