My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
