I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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