I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
