it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
