yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
