How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
