dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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