You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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