Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
