Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
