No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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