yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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